Teasing the Creationists

I went to school in the heart of the Bible Belt in Georgia. The anti-evolution crusader Duane Gish once visited our school on invitation to explain why evolution was unscientific. Being a budding physicist and a skeptic of religious fundamentalism, I saw what I thought were lots of problems in his thinking. I laid them out in a letter I sent to the editor of the school paper.

I pointed out two problems, then gave my interpretation of Gish’s motives. The first problem was a claim he made about the second law of thermodynamics; I pointed out that all first semester thermodynamics students perform calculations showing Gish’s claim is false. “Gish, who brags of a Ph.D. in mechanical engineering, obviously knows better,” I wrote. The second problem was his assertion that the law, rather than the scientific process, ought to circumscribe what can be taught as science. That had never happed in a democratic country, but totalitarian communism was replete with examples of it, I explained.

“Would true Christians stand before the Lord in such blatant violation of the Ninth Commandment (against lying)?” I began my conclusion to the letter. “Of course they wouldn’t. But communist infiltrators here to destroy the American Way while posing as Christian fundamentalists would! Scientific creationism challenges established scientific findings from archeology, astronomy, biology, chemistry, cosmology, geology, paleontology, physics, and zoology. Is the so-called scientific creationsim movement really a communist plot to undermine American scientific superiority in the world?”

Most non-Baptists knew it was a joke, although a few thought I’d lost my marbles. The Baptists reacted exactly as I had hoped: they were outraged. The nicer ones said I had misunderstood Gish’s message. But most expressed blind rage that I had the gall to call them communists. I think what really galled them was the ease and confidence with which a “mere kid” critiqued their guru, especially how funny I thought it was. The most surprising thing about the whole aftermath was that I received fan mail. “You’re my hero,” one said. But it was still the outrage that really made it worth it for me.