Acting Gay

I suspect we’ve all seen it: women flock around gay men.

I saw other evidence as well. Women complained constantly about men – that they ogled women, reveled in juvenile sexual explicitness, were emotionally insensitive, and otherwise acted “straight.” I had a pretty dim view of men myself, so I was happy to try to be different from the average.

I had a crush on a coworker of mine, so I tried to emulate her gay male friends. I avoided all references to any attraction to women, swapped recipes with her, dove into women’s issues. One friend told me I was a woman trapped in a man’s body; another, female, called me an “honorary woman.” I was faaaabulous, snap, snap, snap. I figured when she found out I was straight, she would happily go for me.

Unfortunately, the bedroom is a far continent from the hair salon. She went for a guy who had all the characteristics she complained about during rap sessions with her gay friends.

In retrospect, I find it hard to believe she went for a jerk because she really likes the rudeness in men she outwardly complained about. Her case made me wonder if maybe what really matters is whether men are willing to show how much we really want women – exactly what I didn’t do, and the “jerk” did do. In fact, come to think of it, that’s what I wish women would do for me. I had assumed women wanted something totally alien to what I would want, or could even relate to.

I’m still not certain they don’t, but at least I won’t try acting gay again.